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Apparently I did something weird on an Indian Burial Ground

My cat passed away.  It was fun, like getting hit by a truck seven or eight times, then having it periodically come back and hit me again when I thought there was no way a truck could get to wear I was.  I had her for 11 years.  She was 12.  I feel cheated and angry.  She had time left.  She got sick and I hesitated on taking her to the vet.  She started to get better so we lowered the dosage on her medicine.  Then she curled up in my husband’s lap, purred a few times, and fell asleep.  And she didn’t wake up.

I get that she wasn’t my child.  But she was the closest thing I had.  I loved her.  And it hurts like hell.

Alright, enough of that.  I’m crack-level addicted to the Timewise Collection from Mary Kay.  I’m going to admit I thought it was all BS when I started but the more I use it the better my skin looks and feels.  As everyone knows if I could be any literary character it would be Dorian Grey, so I could stay young forever while a portrait of me slowly got older in an attic somewhere.  This combination of stuff not only works but it doesn’t feel like there’s anything on my face.  Ask around, I never wear any kind of foundation or concealer because I can’t stand the weighty, greasy feeling that just sits on my skin.  This stuff is cray, if I didn’t know I’d put it on I’d swear I wasn’t wearing anything.  It’s especially nice because I’m still waiting tables for the time being and that will put a beating on your skin.

I took a fantastic business class taught by my friend Cass Mullane called “Right Brain Business”.  She has a business called Prosper Creatively and it’s entirely focused on teaching artists how to also be successful business owners.  As I’m currently doing Mary Kay, Heather Says So Photography, and helping run Mountain Mirmayd, it was an amazing series that really opened my eyes to things I was choosing not to look at and issues I just couldn’t be bothered with.  I’m really excited to get our budget back on track so I can reinvest money into my business instead of using them to keep my household afloat and we’re on the right track to do it.  Thankfully Mary Kay is giving me the small boost of financial independence I need to accomplish that goal.

One of the biggest changes she encouraged me to make was to stop being so cruel to myself  My favorite joke is, “No one hates me more than me”, but it wasn’t really a joke.  I have a deep seated self-loathing that’s followed me as long as I can remember.  She caught on to it pretty quickly and would bust me every time, making me stop and rephrase things over and over until I was being kind to myself.  I’ve started saying daily affirmations to remind myself to be nicer and as weird as it is, it’s worth it.  I don’t stand in front of the mirror and chant, but when I feel myself waivering or starting to tear myself down I just think in my head, “I am worth investing in”.  I don’t mean financially exactly, but time and positive thoughts and good energy.  It’s making a difference.  I’m making better choices about a lot of things, from how we spend money to how I treat myself (taking my makeup off before bed seems like a small thing but I get into this place where I can’t even be bothered to do that).  It makes a difference.

So there’s that!

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