family, health, Uncategorized

It’s never what you think.

I’ve hesitated and struggled with this post a lot because I just wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.  Well.  That’s not true.  I just didn’t want to say what I mean, which is a pretty fair difference.

I hate being pregnant.

There’s no reason for it.  Other than some food aversion in the first trimester I’ve had basically no symptoms.  I’m 19 weeks and only just in maternity pants, I’ve gained a total of 4 pounds, and my husband is being a saint.

But I hate it.

I always wanted to have one of those Pinterest pregnancies, where I’d blog about the beautiful experience and how I felt the glow of the life growing inside me.  A perfect round belly, my hair shiny and casually styled, wearing cute outfits and meeting girlfriends for (decaf!) coffee.

That did not happen.

I’m pretty sure I’ve broken every rule of pregnancy.  I eat deli sandwiches, I drink sugary, carbonated, caffeinated drinks, I’m currently typing this from the bathtub.  I have not been horseback riding since I found out but that’s entirely because I’ve been too busy to get away.

Don’t get me wrong.

I love my baby.  I’m excited about meeting him/her.  But the process of getting there sucks.  I feel out of control and very fat, which is not something that makes me happy.  But my doctor gave me some medication for my anxiety (100% baby safe, I checked) so hopefully I pull out of this and get really into it.

Maybe once I start feeling the baby move/kick/exist it’ll get better and I’ll feel more connected, because as of yet it all just feels like I’m binge eating and my clothes don’t fit.

Sorry for whining, I love all of your stupid faces and this will pass.  But I think it’s important to be honest because I was unprepared for the idea of not liking pregnancy and maybe it’ll help to know you’re not alone?

Also I just ate buffalo wings while taking a bath.

I’m a little proud of that, it’s possibly the most pregnant thing I’ve done so far.

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